This year’s 22nd Annual Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA) Conference had an emotional start to the day.  The morning began with a Moment of Silence for our dear departed friend Richard Millen that included his son Jeff saying a few words on his behalf, followed by the awarding of the new SCMA-sponsored Richard Millen scholarship at the Western Justice Center in Pasadena, where the bright and promising recipient used his acceptance speech to quote some of Richard’s articles.  It was odd hearing the words of our 89 year old Zen guru mediator being channeled through the voice of a young man in his early 20′s, and with almost equal passion.

As if that wasn’t enough, Laurel Kaufer spoke next about this year’s Cloke-Millen Peacemaker of the Year award recipients – the women who carry life sentences in Valley State Prison for Women in Chowchilla, California, who wrote to Laurel and asked her to come and teach them conflict resolution and peacemaking skills, just as Laurel had done in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina with the residents on the ground there.  We all watched tearful women talk about being murders, with life sentences, and learning for the first time in their lives to listen deeply, reflect back, ask open-ended questions, and how to create peace.  Chilling.

It was no wonder to me that when they awarded me the L. Randolph Lowry Award for education and learning in the field, and I began to talk about what it meant to me, especially being named for my friend, mentor and partner in traveling-the-country-teaching-mediation-and-negotiation, Randy Lowry.  To give you a clearer picture, Randy and I have taught side-by-side, from the gorgeous Pepperdine Law School in Malibu, to  to a group of franchisees San Francisco, a law firm in Chicago, a legal department in Cincinnati, nurses at a huge Dallas Hospital,  for a university in Jackson, Mississippi and Hilton Head, South Carolina, at Randy’s new home at Lipscomb University in Nashville, and to insurance adjusters in 15 states over 18 months.  We have sat side by side telling stories in the airport at 1am as our flight is delayed, knowing we’ll be up teaching at 8am.  We have been through a lot together.  He was there for me when my father passed away five years ago, and he and Rhonda have had me to their home, here in L.A. and also after they moved to Nashville.  Randy trusted me to mentor his son, when John entered the training and consulting business with us.  And Randy was the one who believed in me, that as a non-attorney mediator, I had something to teach to lawyers and judges at Pepperdine Law School and for the California Center for Judicial Education and Research.  He named me Director of Pepperdine’s Mediating the Litigated Case program, a position I held for 7 years, until he had left the University.

So, nobody blamed me when I choked up while accepting the award.  It was the proudest moment of my professional life (so far).

In order to save repeating what others have already done today, I’m going to point you to two very kind and thoughtful summaries of what yesterday’s conference meant to these folks:

Jan Schau’s Mediation Insights:   The Wisdom of My Mentors

Joe Markowitz’s Mediation’s Place:  The Funnel

There is also some thoughtful commentary here from Joe on attorney, judge and non-attorney mediators and what each brings to the table (and a candid assessment on what they don’t).

A final thought, for mediators, attending conferences and training courses is important – not just for what you learn, but for the opportunity to share the experience with other colleagues.  As I said in my keynote yesterday, our profession is an individual one where we are all, as my freind Alex Williams like to say, in our own foxhole fighting our own battle.  Coming to conferences and training courses refreshes us, keeps us tuned up with new tools and refreshing old ones, and keeps us in touch with those around us who share the burden of sitting between two or more people who are in an intractable fight, and thinking that we can do something to help them.  It can be lonely work.  I find it’s always good to get together with friends and colleagues who are doing this work, and share our stories, our challenges, and our learnings.  Just food for thought…

Today, we lost the great teacher and coach John R. Wooden, long time and legendary UCLA basketball coach.

I’m wondering with these teachers now gone, will we continue to follow their lessons?  I’m wondering with them now gone, the Dalai Lama turning 75 and Nelson Mandella turning 92 next month, I’m wondering who will be our next great teachers?  Who will walk the talk and live a life that embodies both greatness and goodness?

Wondering this makes me proud to have been in the company of Ken Cloke last week.  Ken was a co-founder of Mediators Beyond Borders and has published prolifically.  Ken is a great teacher who lives a life of compassion and grace.  Erica Ariel Fox is another.  She founded the Global Negotiation Insight Institute and is working on her first book.  I see many other great mediator friends doing incredible work – teaching conflict resolution skills in prisons, or to children.  Most of them are growing and preparing into our next great generation of teachers.

Sports might offer us Coach K at Duke basketball or Phil Jackson and his blend of Native American,  Zen and Christian learnings, known for giving his multi-millionaire players books on philosophy, spirituality and balance.

I don’t think we’re going to see teachers of the caliber of Richard Millen and John Wooden any time soon.  They had so much in common, not the least of which was, to quote Kareen Abdul Jabbar on Coach Wooden, “he sent a lot of good people into this world.”

Coach Wooden had said that his proudest accomplishment as a player was being named Scholar Athlete of the Year at Purdue.  Richard Millen, a humble young man from Tennessee  became a Harvard Law graduate.  The national college basketball players of the year (man and woman) receives the John R. Wooden Award; the Southern California Mediation Association’s peacemaker of the year receives the Cloke-Millen Award.  Both men were selfless – Coach Wooden was paid $32,500 in his final year at UCLA in 1975; Richard Millen also made a small fraction of those mediators who he mentored.  Coach lived by, “Success is the peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of being.”  While Richard Millen would agree, perhaps his favorite was, “A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say:  ‘we did it ourselves’.”

Who will lead us next?  Who will be our next great teacher?  Who will be worthy of us learning from?  Will it be you?

“Mediation programs offer the public an important alternative to resolving disputes outside the traditional adjudication system,” stated Chief Justice Ronald M. George, chair of the Judicial Council.  “Mediation Week is an opportune occasion to educate the public about the availability and benefits of mediation programs, and to recognize the people who make those programs successful.”

The reasons mediation should be celebrated are too numerous to mention here, but at events throughout the state this week judges, lawyers, mediators, administrators, businesspeople and the general public are ensuring most of those reasons are acknowledged.  Below are two such events at which I will participate:

On Wednesday, March 17, Kern County is launching its new court-annexed mediation program with a day-long conference open to the general public.  The Kern County Superior Court, Kern County Bar Association and the county Better Business Bureau have brought in the American Institute of Mediation to coordinate the free public program targeted to the judges, attorneys, business leaders and general public called “Maximize Your Mediations!“.  This dynamic and interactive program will feature my keynote speech “Why Mediate,” after which a series of 45-minute panels led by area lawyers and mediators will discuss and explain various mediation aspects such as confidentiality and creative solutions.  The audience is encouraged to ask questions.  Featured speakers include Santa Barbara Superior Court Judge Frank Ochoa and noted peacemaker Doug Noll.  Thanks to Kelly Lazerson, the court’s ADR Coordinator for bringing this program together.  The day ends with a mixer at the Bell Tower Club, downtown Bakersfield.  Maybe that’s when we’ll have the champagne?

On Friday, March 19, Orange County mediators and the Orange County Bar Association’s Alternative Dispute Resolution Section host “OC Mediators Odyssey 2010“.  The event begins with keynote speaker Orange County Superior Court Presiding Judge Kim G. Dunning, who will explain the “State of the Orange County Superior Court and Mediation’s Positive Effect on the Local Court System and our Orange County Community.”  I will deliver the luncheon keynote, “The New, Invisible Cross Cultural Conflict,” a commentary about how all disputes are cross-cultural, even when the people may look the same.  Other workshop presenters that day include Vickie Pynchon, Jan Schau, Mari Frank, Wendy Kramer, Debra Dupree, Sam Konugres, and Rosemarie McElhaney.  This event would not have been possible without Therese Gray’s strong leadership.

For more information about times and locations, click on the links to the events’ web pages.  And remember, let’s celebrate mediation all week!

Beginning with the environment.  What you are seeing around this environment represents to me a lot about what I do as a commercial mediator.  At the top, the feather represents the light touch a mediator sometimes needs, as mediation is a lot about nuances, subtleties and a delicate touch.  And yet the coins represent the thing people are generally fighting over.  The pen indicates to me the ceremonious signing of the mediated agreement, which represents a person’s consent and their bond to adhere to the commitments made in that agreement.  The stone will always remind me of my dear friend Erica Ariel Fox’s Global Negotiation Insight Institute (GNII), as she uses it in her picture logo, and her teachings stay with me where ever I go, but especially in the mediation room.  The leaves relate to the acorn at the bottom of the page, where every great settlement – simple or complex – grows from the tiny acorn of an idea that often other people said would not work.  Kind of like a non-lawyer being a successful mediator working in the world of litigated cases.  Notice at the top how one is younger and rich in color, and the other is older and looks about to turn.  It is always my goal to mediate with the energy, stamina, wit and being the quick study of a young soul, but with the wisdom of a person seasoned with the years of a life in business, negotiating complex deals way beyond my years.  Given that when I began 15 years ago, I was a young-looking 32 year old, the first part wasn’t ever in doubt.  But I have always lived my live through the eyes of an 80 year old me, rocking on the front porch with a glass of iced tea in hand, looking back with the perspective of how my work this day, and the deal we reach, will be judged by me and others from that retrospect.

The dark wood represents the solid backing I have always had from my family, my friends, and from my loyal clients – often the lawyers who have trusted me with their clients most difficult disputes.  And the coffee stains at the bottom represent to me the many, many hours of hard work that have gone into creating my mediation practice, and that in a single day to any meaningful resolution.

This blog is intended to be a discussion, a dialogue with you, about mediation, conflict resolution, dispute resolution, conflict management and negotiation in settings from neighborhoods to workplaces to litigated cases to current events and global issues.  I welcome and look forward to your input, comments, additions, and disagreements.  Let’s talk!

My two themes, which you will find me repeating often throughout this site are:  There is no substitute for experience. And:  Tough issues call for masterful solutions.  I urge you not to underestimate either one.  And I hope, through the words that will follow in the days, months and years ahead, to provide both.

I will, from time to time, mention the training institute I founded in 2008, the American Institute of Mediation (the AIM Institute), and my radio talk show called Talk It Over.  I will do my best to avoid shameless plugs and only refer to them when there is a learning point or a resource that can be derived from them.  But I do hope you’ll check them both out.

One last thing, while I think my writing is conversational and easy to read, and grammar is generally OK, I’ll confess right now that just like when I drive my car, there are some rules I choose to follow and others I choose not to.  Case in point:  in writing, I choose to end sentences with prepositions, when it feels right to me.  There, I’ve said it.

I’m glad we could get a little better acquainted.  I hope you’ll stop by and visit again some time soon.

Until then,

Lee Jay

Lee Jay Berman
The Mediation Offices of Lee Jay Berman
Founder & President, American Institute of Mediation
Co-Host “Talk It Over” radio show
Complete C.V. and info at www.LeeJayBerman.com
More in mediation at www.MediationTools.com