Lee Jay Berman's EYE ON CONFLICT

Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again.  She’s in trouble with a certain judge in the Los Angeles Superior Court… again.  This time, she may have gone too far.

Lohan is stuck in Paris with an allegedly lost/stolen passport and her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley says Lohan will not be able to appear in court Thursday morning, May 20, as ordered.  Lohan’s hearing is to determine whether the actress-singer has complied with the terms of her probation order for her 2007 conviction for driving under the influence.  See:  “Lawyer:  Lindsay Lohan will miss court date“.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel extended Lohan’s probation hearing from a year ago in order to allow Lohan to complete her mandated alcohol abuse education.  Upon granting Lohan the extension last October, after first issuing a warrant for Lohan’s arrest for failing to comply with the requirements of her sentence, Judge Revel warned Lohan not to “thumb your nose” at the court, saying, “This is the last time we are going to be talking about re-enrolling and doing what you need to do.”

If she fails to appear, she will have violated her parole two times:  once for the failure to appear as ordered by the court, and a second time because Lohan was to have completed her alcohol abuse education program by this date, and according to Holly, Lohan has, “been in substantial compliance” but has apparently not been perfect in her ordered attendance.

Upon being notified that Lohan was unable to fly back from the Cannes film festival in time for her hearing, the judge indicated that she expected Lohan to effort all means and expense possible in order to appear.  Lohan’s father is expected to appear to plead with the judge to send his daughter back to rehab.

This is when I wish that there was an opportunity for a mediator to intervene in the process.  If that were possible, a mediator might first sit with the judge alone and ask her if she was able to allow for the possibility that Lohan’s passport might have actually been stolen.  The mediator could ask her if she could be open minded to the possibility of Lohan’s true innocence.  And that mediator might ask her what, if anything, Lohan could do to make it better with the judge – what proof would satisfy her, or what apology would trigger her forgiveness.  The mediator could remind judge Revel about her choices and about her goals and her moral compass, and about her career and her integrity, all to make sure she is making her ultimate decision with an open mind and with a clear view of all of her important perspectives, rather than out of frustration or indignation.

Then that mediator could sit with Lohan and do the same, asking her if she realizes the gravity of what has happened and whether she can see how this looks on tabloid TV when they show her partying in Cannes and then missing her court date immediately after.  The mediator might ask her to consider how the judge would look if she were lenient with Lohan, and ask Lohan how she thought she could take responsibility for her actions in a way that would convey real remorse and contrition.  By reminding her of the choices that she has – choices about what to do and how she goes about doing it, and walking her quickly through the likely outcome of each of her choices, the mediator could assist her in focusing on her big picture life goals and help her to avoid focusing just on this hearing and this ruling and miss the forest for the trees.

Individual coaching with each side in an escalating dispute is often helpful to keep them balanced and to try to help them keep their emotions from driving their decision making.

Eventually, a mediator could bring the judge together with Lohan and Holley and let them talk.  The judge might want to make it clear to Lohan that she had violated the court’s order and that there were a range of options at the judge’s disposal, including jail time.  Lohan would likely try to explain clearly the events that led to her passport’s disappearance and to come armed with a police report about the theft and a copy of the affidavit and request filed with the U.S. Consulate in Paris, and for Lohan to genuflect deeply and sincerely and apologize for putting the court in such a position.

From there, the judge would do as she saw fit.  She could find Lohan in contempt of court and order jail time, fines, or rehab, or she could believe her story and proceed with the hearing.  But whatever she chose, she would do so having had a sincere dialogue and from a place of being informed.  And Lohan, even if ordered to prison for a week or two, would at least feel like she had her opportunity to be heard.  But making a rash decision without looking into her eyes and seeking the truth would be unwise.

Tags: AA, alcohol abuse education, contempt of court, Dialogue, driving under the influence, Judge Marsha Revel, Lindsay Lohan, Los Angeles Superior Court, Shawn Chapman Holley
Posted in Celebrities, Entertainment & Sports, Current Events | 6 Comments »

I am deeply saddened to announce that Richard Millen passed away today.  Most mediators in southern California knew and were touched by Richard, whether they knew it or not.  He was a motive power in forming the first court-annexed mediation program in California, in founding the now-mighty Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA), and served on boards and committees advising on mediation policy until his last months.

Richard was 89 years young and was one of those whose inspiration created organizations that have become pillars of the southern California mediation universe.  He was the motive power that helped to create the first court-annexed mediation program with the Los Angeles Superior Court (now the largest court and largest mediation program in the world).  He was a trainer with the Neighborhood Justice Center, now Dispute Resolution Services (DRS) and a division of the Los Angeles County Bar (an adoption he never sanctioned).  Richard trained under Bill Lincoln and was atop the training tree, training Bill Hobbs, who trained anyone who ever trained in Los Angeles outside of Pepperdine (me included).  Long before he taught at Pepperdine Law School’s Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution and California State Dominguez Hills’ Master’s program in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution and Peacebuilding, and with me at my Institute of Mediation Studies (previous incarnation of the American Institute of Mediation), he held mediator meetings in his pool house – meeting’s we’d probably call round tables or study groups today.

Richard also sat with Randy Lowry, Lauren Burton and others at a retreat that became the birthplace for the Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA) over 20 years ago, where leaves as a “Board Member In Perpetuity”.  He meant so much to SCMA that they named their annual Peacemaker of the Year award after him, along with Ken Cloke.  He served on about every organizational board in southern California, including DRS and the State Bar’s Standing Committee on ADR.

Many of us were trained by him, influenced by him, and heard him speak at conferences, as often from the audience as from the front of the room.  A deeply spiritual man, with vigorous energy and strong beliefs about how mediation should remain “pure” and uninstitutionalized, he continued to mediate cases at 88 years of age.

Richard was one of the first interdisciplinary-trained mediators.  A Harvard lawyer, his studies to become a more complete mediator began by reading books by Krishnamurti, Ken Wilbur, Ram Daas, Martin Buber, Alan Watts, Brugh Joy, Jerry Jampolsky, Eric Frohm, quantum physicists, such as Frejof Capra and Alan Wolf, and continued to include the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Bhagavad Gita, and by Da Free John, the Knee of Listening, and by Gary Zuchav, the Seat of the Soul.  He then dove into reading about Buddhism, Zen, Dao, the Kabbalah, Christian mysticism, the Dali Lama, the occult, Freud, Jung, William James, Elizabeth Kubla Ross, and Virginia Satir.  When Richard was asked, “Isn’t that really more spirituality or philosophy than mediation?”, he would answer, “What’s the difference?  They’re all the same!”

Richard preached that mediation was “a new epistemology of thinking and speaking about conflict” and “Conflict emanates from a break down in relationship of the parties”.  He’d say that people didn’t have legal problems until they gave them to a lawyer.  He preached the fundamentals (some might say lost art) of mediation – active listening, reframing, I messages, neutral language and self-determination.  He often proudly quoted a poem by Tap Stephens that ended with “…and they did for themselves what they had come for the mediator to do.”  He believed strongly in “Dialogue” as defined and used by quantum physicist Dr. David Bohm.

Richard called himself a half-lawyer, half-entrepreneur, having served the majority of his professional years as a transactional lawyer “doing deals”.  He prided himself on being a trusted fiduciary, and loved when his clients would say, “Just ask Good Ol’ Dick Millen.  If it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for me”.  He started in business at the  ripe age of 10 with a paper delivery route.  Living in Knoxville, he graduated from the University of Tennessee, and then it was off to the army where he prided himself on his days in the cavalry, stationed in Italy during World War II.  When he returned, he took full advantage of the GI Bill by attending Harvard Law School.  His stumbling into mediation some 25 years ago was more due to his spiritual enlightening and personal growth as a natural outgrowth of his business and legal backgrounds, than it was a career choice.  Mediation chose Richard, more than the other way around.

Richard is survived by his wife, Mary Alice, four adult children, several grandchildren, and a community of thousands of mediators scattered throughout southern California and well beyond.

Richard was my surrogate grandfather, my mentor and my dear friend.  When I last visited with him about three weeks ago, and he told me of the cancer, he said he was being “positive and creative” in his approach to dealing with it – being a mediator to the end.

Richard liked to quote Blaise Pascal, a colleague of Decartes, who wrote, “the heart has reasons that reason knows nothing of.”  This was Richard and his huge, knowing heart.  Teaching us until the end.

We have lost a great peacemaker, a passionate teacher, and a bright, glowing spirit.  His presence will be missed.

Tags: Alan Watts, Blaise Pascal, CSUDH, David Bohm, Dialogue, DRS, Ken Cloke, Krishnamurti, LA County Bar, Los Angeles Superior Court, Mediation, Neighborhood Justice Center, Pepperdine, Pepperdine Law School, richard millen, SCMA, State Bar ADR Committee, Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution
Posted in Uncategorized | 36 Comments »